Was Bar Mitzvah some sort of ancient rite of passage that's been lost?

No. As Mark Oppenheimer documents in his book Thirteen and a Day, there is no mention of Bar Mitzvah in the Torah or the rest of the Bible. The Talmud does not mention thirteen as an age of significance. It is not until the Middle Ages that this moment in a young man’s life was seen as important.

No one has - yet - unearthed some ancient, mysterious glyphs or papyri that contain coded descriptions of some majestic rite-of-passage ritual through which Jewish boys became Jewish men.

Honestly, such a ritual may not have been needed back than. But it is certainly needed now! Now, when what it means to be a man is so unclear to most men; when male role models are harder to come by; when many fathers feel utterly confused about how to relate to their sons; when rabbis are distant; when Jewish life seems irrelevant - now is when we need a rite of passage through which Jewish boys become Jewish men.

Because we need good men out there who are knowledgable, wise, humble, brave, curious, strong, resourced, connected, responsible, energized and joyous. We need men out there who have vision, self-awareness, the capacity to reflect, and therefore, to grow.

So, we take Bar Mitzvah - no one was doing much with it anyway - and we make it the place-holder for a new Rite of Passage. It is open to the needs of our times. It can be nudged in many different ways in order to carry the meaning we need it to carry.

Bar Mitzvah is what happens the day after your Bar Mitzvah

If your Bar Mitzvah were in Parshat Mishpatim, you’d be pretty jealous of the kid who got last week’s Parsha. That’s the one where God gives the Torah to the Jewish people o Mt. Sinai. Literal fireworks, booming thundrous voices, big ideas, drama, intesity. And the trope (the cantillations for Torah reading) even reflects that. It’s like Beethoven’s 5th.

But really this week’s parsha is where it’s at. Not that you’d know that on first glance - after all, it’s populated with laws about the most basic of mundane relaitonships. People getting into fights, animals falling into pits, people borrowing stuff that breaks, and guarding stuff that gets stolen. This is what happens in normal life - at least back in the day when people had oxen and dug pits (though there are modern equivalents, to be sure). And this is where Bar Mitzvah-ness actually happens.

We have gotten into the bad habit of calliing the day when you get called up to the Torah your “Bar Mitzvah”. But Bar MItzvah isn’t a day you celebrate - it’s a person you become. And we see that person most clearly in the world of stuff and people and relationship and interaction. We’re all glad you made a nice speech and looked good in your new suit. You did a fine job doing the limbo at did your party.

But what we want to know is, did you do the dishes after you used them, or did you leave them for your mom to do? Did you show up on time for that meeting? Did you control your anger when your kid sister used your laptop without asking? Did you notice that old lady crossing the street and offer to help?

Parshat Yitro - Keeping your wits about you

The big story in Yitro is that the Jews get the Torah. That’s a big story. The Torah is a game-changer, to the say the least. But the story of the giving of the Torah is not the only story in the Parsha. The Parsha starts with - and is named for - Moses’ father-in-law, Yitro.

Yitro’s big contibution is not about what’s in the Torah. It’s about how the stuff that’s in the Torah gets communicated to the people who need to know. He develops a system of local judges who can answer questions in their local communities. Moshe likes the idea. God likes the idea. It’s a go. Thanks, Yitro!

The point is that, yes, the Torah is the Torah. And how the Torah gets done in the world requires the participation, insight, genius, and enthusiasm of the people who are supposed to do. There are a million hacks that are yet to be discovered that can make Jewish stuff more alive, more personal, more enjoyable, more relatable, more accessible, more communicable. And in order for those things to emerge, the people who use the Torah need to keep their wits about them. Take a deep breath, fugure out what’s needed, figure out how to do it.