Vayishlach - Sometimes the plot is off to the side
Genesis 32:3 - 36:43 | Hosea 11:7 - 12:12, Obadiah 1:1 - 21
Summary: Though such things cannot be anticipated, we need to keep an eye out for what’s happened at the margins of the story, because it could be that’s where the plot is actually unfolding. Ya’akov teaches us then when he leaves his family to recover some small jars, even as an encounter with his brother is imminent.
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The family is at the airport. They are about to embark on a much-anticipated vacation. Suddenly, Dad says, “Wait. I forgot my travel mug back at the hotel. You guys get on the plane. I’ll meet you in Aruba.” He leaves.
Obviously anyone who witnessed such a moment would be shocked. We have been taught to make distinctions between important and unimportant things, and “replaceable” and “inexpensive” are likely to be at the bottom of the list of priorities, while keeping the family together to enjoy a much-needed vacation would seem pretty high.
So why does Ya’akov, on a collision course with his dangerous brother Eisav (which is, of course, not a vacation), and leave his family alone to retrieve some small jars at their last camp?
The question becomes even more rich because of what happens next: “And Ya’akov remained alone and a man wrestled with him until dawn.” As a direct result of this decision, he will enter into a deeply fateful and transformative encounter. He begins the night as Ya’akov; he wrestles until dawn; he rises up as Yisrael. He becomes someone else and something else - because he chose to go back for small jars. It’s as if the decision whether or not to go back for them is a sort of trans-dimensional crossroads: in one direction there is a portal leading to an essential moment of transition and encounter; in the other direction, there isn’t.
This leads to a sort of vertigo, as small jars become giant doorways into deep encounters. Are small things big? Are we looking in the wrong places if we assume that big, important encounters contain more soul-material? Are we wrong in assuming that there is more soul-juice - or whatever it is that brings recognition and transformation - in an encounter with Eisav than there is in a decision to go reclaim some jars that matter to you because they matter to you?
Looking back, so much of what touched us deeply, what literally “moved” us, is not what was happening on the main stage. It is not always the plot of the story that affects us - sometimes it is one small sentence, an afterthought, a choice phrase. Sometimes the lesson the teacher taught really did change the way we think about things - and sometimes it is the way the teacher sipped their coffee, or took a deep breath and relaxed between sentences. I remember once I was at an event and there was dancing, and I saw one young man breathe, and then move his shoulders slightly to the rhythm of the music, and, at that moment, I learned how to dance.
What makes this so challenging, though - and this, if anything, is my point (but, hey, I just told you the point is not always the point, so who knows where the point actually is!) - is that you cannot plan or anticipate such things. It is often only “looking back” that we realize what happened, and why. If Ya’akov had said, “I know I’m going to encounter Eisav soon. Instead of facing him, I’m going to go look for some jars” - well, that would be avoidance. I suspect that would not have opened up the inter-dimensional portal that changed his life.
It seems more true that we plow steadily forward, following the plot, and then, off to the side, a path opens up that invites us to a depth that the road forward could not have offered. We don’t go to dance parties looking for shoulder-moves. We (usually) don’t read books looking only for an exquisite turn of phrase. We don’t ignore our friends and spend time only with strangers because they might hold some truth we didn’t know we needed until it hits us. We don’t disembark because of travel mugs - until, one day, we do, because we know we have to, and we get a sense that the path of our lives leads backwards and then sideways and then over and beyond.