Vayigash - Output requires input
Genesis 44:18 - 47:27 | Ezekiel 37:15 - 28
Summary: Yoseph is said to be the human embodiment of the mystical element called yesod. Mastering yesod requires that we understand - and take pleasure in both sides of - the process of giving and receiving. If we get too weighed down on one side or the other, we will burn out, and take others with us.
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Output requires input. It is a simple equation. If we are going to give, we must have something to draw on that allows us to give. Something’s got to go in if something is going to come out.
A responsible person is aware of the two sides of this equation. They try to prepare themselves as well as they can for what they will be called upon to give, and how much, and when, and to whom, and they seek out nourishment and resources that will provide them with the energy and substance which will support them in giving. They know they will need something to draw on in order to give, and they give this relationship to the source of their resources the attention it requires.
This can be as simple as getting a good night’s sleep or eating a good meal. Knowing I will need energy tomorrow, I will rest up today and eat a good meal and take care of my health so I can be a good provider tomorrow. A person who does not take care of these ‘ins’ might be able to run own empty for a while, but they will ultimately burn out.
There are less-tangible but just-as-real sources of energy that we might need. A teacher, in particular a teacher of matters of soul, would need to be inspired enough to inspire others. What happens when a teacher is not inspired? Consider that many soul-teachers (let’s say, for example, Jewish studies teachers) get very excited at some point in their younger lives, go to a yeshiva or seminary, learn intently for some years (I learned for 6 years) and then go out and “work” - read: give. It’s not so obvious that the inspiration from so many years ago (I personally was ordained in 2003) will continue to be enough to provide the kind of vibrant inspiration that my students would need in order to be inspired themselves, if, in fact they are to be inspired by me. I must remain inspired, and keep feeding the fires, if I am going to provide something of value to my students.
Interestingly enough, sabbaticals are designed to put people back in touch with sources of nourishment and inspiration, but many teachers feel they are expected to write and produce during that time. For some, this is stressful instead of restful, and serves the opposite purpose of further depleting the available resources. To properly do a sabbatical, a person would have to understand how much they have identified with the role of giver/teacher/provider and think of real ways to unplug from that role.
It is challenging to be realistic about this. People will have to know themselves and be able to figure out whether they have balance between giving and receiving. We will need courage and honesty to ask questions like “is this working? Am I energized or exhausted by my work? And if I am exhausted by it, what what make it energizing? What can I get, or ask for, or receive from others that would fill me up in order to for this work to not drain me too much?”
It is, of course, hard to ask for ‘ins’, particularly if we identify as givers and providers. Somehow it feels shameful to need. Unfortunately this is so much more true with rabbis and spiritual leaders, who are expected to give selflessly and constantly. Because the position tends to call for such (necessarily artificial and unsustainable) one-sided giving, and because so many people really do depend on their rabbis and teachers and spiritual leaders, those people need to be exceedingly careful and exceedingly aware of their own needs. Additionally, they must be exceedingly honest with their students and communities - not to mention their families - about what actually keeps the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ in balance. If the community truly values what their leaders provide, they will be more than happy to ensure that the ‘ins’ are in balance with the ‘outs.’
We need to take responsibility and willfully decide, to the best of our ability, whether we can afford to do something somewhat draining, and whether I can compensate by being filled, and fulfilled, in another area of my life. If this seems possible, I can choose to do something that depletes me, because I know I will get energized elsewhere.
Obviously it is not just teachers and rabbis and leaders who would experience this nexus of issues as a complicated one. Everyone’s got feelings about how they are valued, how they are compensated, how they are approached and cared for. The hope is that we get fully aware of our needs and wants and resources and capacities in those area and that we can manage the interactions around those things like grown-ups.
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Yoseph is considered the embodiment of this nexus of issues and challenges and opportunities. In addition to his own Broadway show, he is given his own archetype - called yesod - that represents the embodiment of nourishment and the capacities that make it work or not work. He is at the center of providing nourishment for Egypt, for his family, and for large swaths of the civilized world at that time. He has the capacity to make sure everyone is fed - and at what cost to him? What feeds him?
Yoseph seems to find nourishment in the very purpose of his work. It seems he is nourished by providing nourishment. That’s an ideal state of affairs - when giving is receiving, when I am so genuinely happy that you’re happy.
It could have gone differently - Yoseph could have gotten nourishment from the power he was gaining. He could have seen himself as the center of the world, the pillar upon which everything stands, and gained tainted nourishment from all that power. That’s certainly happened more than a few times in history. It usually ends with a great depletion and rolling heads.
One essential shift in perspective makes the difference between what Yoseph was and the dark lord that Yoseph could have been: he sees himself as the conduit, and not the source, of the goodness he will provide. Before he interprets Pharaoh’s dream, he declares, “It is not me! God will see to it that Pharaoh has peace.” When he tells his brothers how he sees the story: “You didn’t send me here to Egypt. God sent me here to provide for our family.”
A person who has a healthy awareness of and relationship to the source of their energy and inspiration will feel that they are constantly receiving, and this balances out the equation. Yoseph may well feel honored and humbled at having been trusted to hold so much and provide for so many, and the trust placed in him might be enough to let him feel loved and cared for.
And yet, Yoseph dies young. He was only 110 years old when he passed on. The rabbis learn from this that “leadership buries leaders.” It is hard to keep in the ins and outs in balance. Burnout is likely. Yoseph’s story, at every stage, offers us guidance in achieving this balance, and ample guidance in the many ways that it can go wrong.