Pinchas - Sometimes the standards shift
Numbers 25:10 - 30:1 | Kings 18:46 - 1921
Summary: We might think we know what success looks like in any given situation; but sometimes the standards shift, and we need to be able to shift along with them.
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The truth is, I was in a pretty good groove until I got sick. Every day I was waking up (fairly) early, praying, learning a bunch of Torah, doing some writing, and then switching to home/family mode - garden, giving people rides to places, cleaning up from the insane party we had the night before, more reading, more writing, peppered with classes I teach, people I learn with, small borderline-insubstantial bouts of exercise, prayer gatherings I go to, etc.
And then you get sick, and so much of that doesn’t work. My learning is paltry, my exercise is zero, my attendance at prayer gatherings is spotty, and I’m not too helpful around the house. If I don’t figure out how to shift expectations quickly, I’m going to be quite disappointed.
I am, of course, aware that sometimes, especially in times of difficulty and adversity, you need to switch it up: though I’ve failed around that point about 3,000 times, Goldfeders always learn their lesson eventually. But I’ve been wondering how this tool of “switching tracks” applies in the absence of difficulty and adversity. For example, I might assume that, when I attend one of those prayer gatherings I go to, that I am there to, you know, pray. Well, what makes me so sure? Maybe, based on some Divine Decision to which I am Not Privy, “success” in this particular prayer gathering will be determined not by how effectively I perform the task of praying, but by how kind and humble I am toward the people who are there with me. Maybe if I walk in like it’s all business, not looking at anyone, staring at my watch, praying, sitting politely during the learning, praying again, and then leaving - that I would have, in some way, failed in my assignment.
If this is true, then we have to pay attention, because we never quite know what will be expected or needed from us. We will need to be alert to the many layers of which every situation is composed, and we will need to develop a capacity to identify which layer is the most important one. And to do that, we’ll need to loosen up our sense of what we think is supposed to happen.
No one can teach us this lesson better than Pinchas. Pinchas is a grandson of Aharon, and his father, uncle, and grandfather are kohanim. That is, they serve in the Mishkan/Temple as facilitators when people want to come close to God. One would assume that, in order to do so, one should be kind and understanding, patient, and non-judgmental. In short, one should be like Aharon the High Priest, who is described as a lover of peace and seeker of peace, lover of people, bringing them close to Torah.
So you could imagine Pinchas might have had some doubts about his possible future as a kohen after he stabbed Zimri and Cosby (I just couldn’t resist spelling it that way) through the groins as they were having sex in front of the entire community. Yes, Judaism is sex positive, but in this case, they shouldn’t have been together (she being a Moabite princess) and they certainly should not have been doing it in front of everyone. But, regardless, Pinchas may well have felt that he was not made of kohen stuff. He was intense, like fire, quick and merciless, occasionally killing people instead of bringing them close to Torah…
… which makes it all the more astounding that he is, because of his actions, welcomed in the priesthood and given a covenant of peace. Yes, he’s the least kohen-like kohen to date; yes, he’s got quite a different temperament. But who says that Aharon’s way was the only to be a kohen? It turns out that many parts of being a kohen have not yet been discovered, and people will have to show up ready to respond to multiple layers of need, hope, despair, and doubt. Each “patient” that the kohen sees will be different; each situation will be unique. Yes, you’ve got some tools at hand that you can use. But one of those tools has to be the un-tool, the one that locks all the others away and pays attention to the uniqueness of the moment.