Netzavim - Let the old version of you be done and start the next one
Deuteronomy 29:9 - 30:20 | Isaiah 61:10 - 63:9
Summary: At some point, the old version of you just feels like an act. As we approach the new year, it’s time to let it go and make space for the next “update.”
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A little less than a year ago, I, like many, heard the shofar being blown. I think I responded appropriately - I woke up as much as I could. I took stock of how I was operating in the world, of how I was participating in the relationships in which I participate, of whether and how I was honoring and serving the Creator, of how I was treating myself, my body, my soul, my heart, my mind; of how I was cultivating my garden, my schedule, my priorities; of how I was speaking, listening, teaching, learning, giving, taking, loving, living, seeing, opening, closing - as much as I could, with all the energy and good intent that I could muster, I opened up all those files and did the best I could to update, delete, reorganize, revision. I did my best to un-program and re-program Gavriel 46.0 and then I pressed ‘start’ and reentered the world and did my thing as best I could.
It’s been a good run! I am proud of many things I was able to do in year 5781. There have been many amazing moments, deep conversations, consistent practices, growth, self-sacrifice, reaching out, generosity, sincerity, and the like. And there has been more of the other stuff - self-absorption, stubbornness, laziness, dropped balls and dropped threads, neglect, oblivion, ignorance, turning blind eyes, corruption, and the like. Apparently Gavriel 46.0 wasn’t meant to be the final update that would last forever.
After about 333 days (that’s how many days there are between Rosh Hashanah and the 9th of Av, when the Temple is destroyed) Gavriel Version Whatever.0 starts to fray around the edges. The flaws in the design become more and more apparent. Glitches, bugs, head-scratching face-palming missteps, with more than a few moments wondering “how did I get here?” while wondering at how I allowed perfectly good opportunities to go to seed and go to waste and hoping relationships I have damaged or neglected are resilient enough to be revived.
Gavriel 46.0 had a good run, but no one's falling for it anymore. Every such version-of-self has a shelf life of approximately 333 days before it becomes schtick. Schtick can last forever, but after a little while no one buys it.
Frankly, I’m glad to have held on for this long. Like I said, it was a good run. And now it’s time to unravel and unwind and release and let go and step away and open up and be silent and create space for Gavriel 47.0 - a process I am both looking forward and absolutely dreading.
Why looking forward? Because I know that, once the dust settles, it will be much better for me and for those around me. My wife and kids, my family and friends - everyone will benefit from a less-glitchy, less-annoying, less-self-centered, less-oblivious me.
Why dreading? Because the very parts of me - and you, and everyone - that are in the way feel like part of the hardware. It doesn’t seem possible to let them go without losing the very essence of who and what we are, to lose our grip.
Whatever. I’m letting go. Que Será Será. I’m hoping to let the Creator design Gavriel 47.0. But I am bringing one idea into the lab with me: what would happen if we enter into Rosh Hashanah with exactly ONE question, figuratively tattooed on our brains? One question that we repeat like a mantra, that we return to and return to, that can guide us through those awesome days and do the heavy lifting of configuring our approach to the new year. Something like “How can I best serve You?” Or “How do I get out of the way?” Or “How I find joy even now?” Or “Where’s the good in this situation?” Or “What would Moses do?”
To summarize: schtick is inevitable. Rosh Hashanah is when we notice our schtick to the best of our ability and try to step aside from it so something new can happen. And maybe we can avoid being too schtick-y by focusing on one really good, really important question around which we can put ourselves back together in a more purposeful way. And with that, a hearty shana tova! May we all be signed, sealed and delivered in the Book of Life.