Bereishit - Disagreement is an essential part of creation
Genesis 1:1 - 6:8 | Isaiah 42:5 - 43:10
Summary: Rather than seeing disagreement as something bad that should be quickly resolved, we should see it as a difficult but essential part of the fabric of creation.
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There is an ancient custom of not getting married on Sunday night or Monday, all things being equal. The reason given is that, in the creation saga, God called each day “good”, with the lone exception of Sunday night/Monday, which didn’t earn the moniker.
This is likely because discord, disagreement and separation were created on that second day - in the form of a firmament that separated upper and lower waters - and though discord and disagreement certainly have their place in the grand scheme of things, you don’t want that as the axis around which your marriage turns.
(This custom is generally ignored these days - we’re just happy that people find each other and get married!)
Rabbi Tivyomi was sensitive to the need for discord and disagreement for the improvement of the world while also being weary of its dangers. “Why is ‘and it was good’ not said on the second day of creation? Rabbi Hanina said: for on that day discord and disagreement were created, as is written, ‘and let the firmament separate between these waters and those waters.’ Rabbi Tivyomi (who’s name means ‘good day!’) said, ‘If discord which is actually for the sake of the settlement and civilization of the world doesn’t contain any ‘and it was good’ then discord which is for the sake of the confusing of the world, all the more so!’”
Note that, unlike death, unbridled self-absorption, alienation and shame, this discord is not something that comes about after Eve and Adam ate the fruits of the Tree of Knowledge. It comes much earlier - day two, before Adam and Even were even a twinkle in God’s eye. Discord is literally built into creation. It is an inherent, Divinely created and indispensable ingredient in the holy soup that is God’s world.
Not that this information should encourage us to seek or generate more discord or destruction, but when we find ourselves in discord, we don’t need to wonder whether we’ve stepped out of the original plan, lost the flow, and have somehow deviated from what ought to be. Discord and disagreement are part of what is and should be happening.
Were a person to find themselves embroiled in some entanglement or confusion, they could at least find justification for resisting the urge to add anxiety to those already challenging feelings. They need not assume that this should not be happening, and therefore I am wrong or bad. Instead, they could wonder, “Why is this particular discord of disagreement happening? What good could come of it? What sweet fruit is contained within this bitter peel?”
Even further, such a person could wonder about what they can do to make the process go more smoothly and reveal the fruit more directly. How do I approach discord? Do I add “heat” and turn it into a fight? Do I back down too easily and live my needs unaddressed? Do I make it personal?
Thankfully, the Torah is “pro-argument” while also being “pro-peace”, and also provides abundant wisdom and guidance toward productive passionate contrarian inquiry.